Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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