he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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