i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
