I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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