It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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