Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
