Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and she was petting her beer can
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
