I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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