Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
