Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
