Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
