Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
