That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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