That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
