I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
