nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My vagina is very pro this idea
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
