I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
