I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
