hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
