your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
