it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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