I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
