writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
