I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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