Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize