every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
