hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Michael Bay diarrhea
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
