Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
