do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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