I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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