He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
