You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
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