If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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