somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
