Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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