It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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