So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
