I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
