I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
