At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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