We're like a lot better than the average bears
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
