how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i believe in u and ur pee
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