I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
