She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
