the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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