and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
