I can text with my tongue
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
