no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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