you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
