...so i touched it.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
