i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
