Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
