well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize