I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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