I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
