I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
