How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Quick, to the slutcave!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
