i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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