and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
