Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
