Where is the hickey?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize