you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
