He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
