i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
