All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
