she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
