some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
