Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
