I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize