Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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