well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
