1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
