1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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