It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
