All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
