I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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