just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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