but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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