I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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