I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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