dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
