We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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