I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
