apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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