i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
