the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Pooping to opera.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
