fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Randomize
