Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
