We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
