May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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