you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
