got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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