Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
