It's like God shit irony all over that family
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize