I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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