I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
