I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
